The Book Of Mikey

This is the evolution of Mikey as created by the blessing of God. Witness shall be given to those gifts given by god during the course of this evolution. All praise to god.

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Location: the realm of dreams, Pennsylvania, United States

The time has come to live without fear.

Thursday, October 28, 2004

The Redemption of Mikey 1:1

There is one, one who shall be lifted up, so that my hatred of him shall finally vanish.
He is one who chose to bear his hand in fiscal trust only to theft years of work from me on a July afternoon.
He is one without direction, without reason, without escape from his monstrous wife.
He is one who swore before a power far greater than mine that he would speak the truth only to bastardize his word, his character and his soul.
He is one who took the comfort of my homeland from me that everytime I return I am shrouded with his foolishness and the misery his name brings..

As the buddha says himself, "Living with fools is endless pain". So it is with the memory of a fool.
He, like the tornado he was, came into my life on a cloudy, rainy day and after he left the sun was shining but all around was in ruins from the swath of destruction he cut.
He, like the I.R.S, seemed to serve a purpose, but in the end all he did was crawl up my colon and stay there to rot.
And so my plan for him is as follows.
I shall give hundreds of thousands of dollars to little known charities in his name, demanding recognition.
I shall build shelters and homes for those he hated. I will do this in his name and remand the people who benefit just who their benefactor is.
I shall celebrate humanity and generousity in ways he cannot stand and his name shall be lifted up unbeknownst to him.
He shall then know that his misery and treachery was to me a gift.
He shall appear great, knowing he is not. And I will be great without anyone knowing.

Sunday, October 24, 2004

Michigan 1:2

A letter from Mikey to the people of Michigan.

What the hell is the matter with you? How can you be so angry? Why do you hate yourselves so that you choke your spirits and lives away in five lane construction zones?
Wait, I may have answered my own question.
I have walked the tribulation with you, with you all. Through leaving I have seen the beginning lights of redemption. Many peoples like me have chosen to flee. Do you not see them yammer their gladness as they pass from exit 1 on I-75 laughing to themselves at your joke of a welcome rest stop and into the loving gaze of Toledo?
What drives you to wake up in the morning? The thoughts of killing the deer herds to the north. Shooting them dead and dragging them on your weatherborne, ziebart less autos into your self created suburban muck?
For a glimmer of hope, ye have but look to the peoples of Frankenmuth, who have created amongst your wasteland, yea verily, a shining beacon of beer, bratwurst and brassy german warmth that people will travel miles to wallow in.
ALL HAIL THE NAME OF BRONNER AND ZEHNDER!!!! For from the mouths of clownshoes they have polished pearls.
I bring righteous tidings to the good people of Saint Ignace, who have endured the barbs of those from the lower peninsula that their burb just isn't far enough south. The bowling alleys of Saint Ignace are smooth and forgiving, its people the antithesis of the misery in the lower peninsula and the view of the Mackinac bridge from the north allows an expatriate like myself to truly look back in anger, with style.
I also bring good tidings to the people of Vassar who hold the prominence of holding the one hill in Michigan within its borders. This allows the citizens within to experience the peaks and valleys of spiritual life freely. Unlike their miserable neighbors further to the south in Millington, Otisville and beyond, whom only know mind numbing flatness.
If I could give ye people of Michigan a word, let it be this. "Seek out the curves and peaks....there ye shall find hope, and through hope, glory."

Friday, October 22, 2004

The Revelation of Mikey 1:2

I remember the fall, it came suddenly and dropped me miles below the chair that I had just been sitting in. The truth of this vision comes long after the actual tribulation of my soul.

Moments before the great fall, I was deep within a swiss cheese burger at Diane's uptown in New York City on March 31st. and then the words were uttered. The words? From my fiance the uttered words were, "I think we should see other women."
Expeditiously,I found myself at the bottom of a deep crevasse. The walkway at the bottom of this crevasse was narrow enough to walk, and so I walked. Thousands of steps one way, then returning, and duplicating those steps in reverse. The walls of the crevasse were starkly different, on one side was a solid white wall, almost luminescent and this wall provided the light that allowed me to walk clearly. To the touch, this wall gave me sensations of peace and harmony, but after a while the wall became very warm and I became fearful. On the other side of the crevasse the wall was rocky, with outcroppings of rock that caused irritation to my hand like the burning one might feel being dragged along an older short hair rug, but after the initial irritation, the wall was cool and comforting. This wall was black, darker than the finest german chocolate. This wall gave me feeling of anger, frustration, mediocrity, and yet filled me with the strange ease of memory. I seemed to sense old friends long past within this wall, or perhaps at the top.
The top...
Looking up, I saw faint light. It seemed at a distance of a star and this light twinkled in kind.
Still I walked the path. While feeling the slow chill of despair that this path had no end, I heard the beat. A recognizable beat, followed by the strum of a guitar. Loud. I looked up. appearing slowly larger were the images of two beings. They drew closer. When these two figures came close enough to be seen clearly, they were two men. One dressed in leather with black rimmed glasses and a black fedora hat. The other, dressed with much more color and a pompadour, the second being was a man in a coat that had the pattern of a couch from 1964 with red, yellow, orange and green, the coat seemed to sparkle.
"I am Daryl McDaniels" said the first, "You know me as DMC".
"I am Morris Day" said the second, "We two are the great poets of your age. You have long emulated my style, but I do not take offense."
"Can you lead me from this path? I do not know how long I've been here, but I want to leave"
"You remain alive and living, but it is your soul that is trapped here." Spoke DMC, "You have been walking this path for 5 years. It is your despair that has brought us here, as does the despair of any with the get fresh flow as you have always had"
"Aren't you tired of walking?" said Morris day.
"I Know only that the walking gives me purpose, and that sooner or later I'll find my way. What more do I need?"
"what is the last thing you remember?" spoke DMC.
"I had just bit into a hamburger at Diane's uptown in NYC and had looked up to hear the words of my fiance. I remember nothing after that. I believe it was 1993"
"Oh My, "said Morris,"No wonder you walk. Your fiance told you she discovered she was a lesbian and had traded you in for three women. She told you to hit the road, you left that burger hut in misery. It was March 31st, 1993. On April 1st, when you attempted to receive sympathy from your friends, no one believed you were telling the truth. You have been punishing yourself with indulgences in Asian women, mountain dew, the rantings of fools and mindless work ever since."
"I don't believe you" I said.
"You don't have to, "Said DMC, "You refuse to see what both sides of the crevasse offer you. What they are trying to say. And so you walk safely between them, and you will continue to walk until you accept the truth."
"The Truth?"I said
"The truth that you are a slave, that you are here as a slave to your own anger and bitterness and the comfort of the time before the anger. Like so many who succumb to despair, its tendrils and tentacles warm and curse you. But unlike the King of Rock there is something higher for you. Do you wish it?"Said DMC.
"If it be, give it me."I said.
Morris and DMC smiled. "it will not fall out of the sky" said Morris, "you must be willing".
I was willing, "Tell me."
"Then walk to your tomorrow, your beginning to redemption awaits."said DMC"
"I've been walking, yo, forever. What are you talking about?" I asked.
"You have walked one way or the other"said DMC,"straight ahead, or straight behind. you have not truly walked. turn left or right and see what happens. But choose wisely or you may find a new path darker and more intoxicating then this."
From within the dark crevasse wall there seemed a voice, it was of my former fiance, "Turn this way, I'll give you pity sex." She was very good at sex, even with five years of walking, I remember that. After her voice, there was another, that of Stephanie Schiller. Stephanie was the cheerleader I crushed on way back in the day, she spoke, "And when you've had your pity sex with her, I will give you even more pitiful sex, and then she and I will have pity sex for your enjoyment"
It seemed too good to be true, I turned to the white side of the crevasse, fearful of what it might hold.
"Don't be a sucker MC" said DMC, "You will burn this kindom if you want."
I walked forward and the wall gave, I found myself instantly at an airport in Green Bay, Wisconsin looking into the eyes of the most glorious woman in the world. It was August 1st,1998 and this was the Alpha and the Omega. Her name was Laura and my soul was once again free.

The Book Of Mikey 1:3

And so, there came a time when Mikey was cast out into the wilderness. When did cease its efforts and the ancient texts from the books of mikey became lost. The lost books of mikey were taken to the top of the mightiest hill of Emlenton, PA and the chips that they were written upon were smashed. These fragments were then placed within a cd case of Shakira's "Laundry Service". This cd case was then forever more known as the cd case of the covenant of Mikey.

It is alleged that this Cd Case contains mystical powers and that leaders of the warring factions within West Virginia and Virginia have come to seek it to use its powers for themselves.

Fortunately, The Mikey Knights Templar have taken possession of the CD case of the covenant of Mikey and they have taken it somewhere in New Jersey to keep it safe. This ancient order has sworn its very existence to keep the CD case of the covenant safe from ne'er do wells who would slander and libel against the goodness of Mikey.

In time, the knights have agreed to once again reveal the word of mikey so that the travels and final redemption of the one with the melon may be known again.