The Book Of Mikey

This is the evolution of Mikey as created by the blessing of God. Witness shall be given to those gifts given by god during the course of this evolution. All praise to god.

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Location: the realm of dreams, Pennsylvania, United States

The time has come to live without fear.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

The Redemption of Mikey 1:3

Upon the path of enlightenment, Like the stretch of I-75 in Detroit that leads you from Wyandotte to I-696, or the mystic wonder that is the approach to any of the tunnels surrounding and within Pittsburgh's road system.
You will find many craters in the road that will task your suspension. your physical body and your gas mileage.
Some of these will be large enough to swallow you, if you do not see them coming.
Yet the testimony of Mikey and the testimony he gives of the true light will show that each and every hole is useful. Every crater reveals lessons about yourself. Every broken shock absorber a better path and a better tactic to take.
Every lost mile from your gasoline, a better method.
Mikey has always been an odd nut, sometimes by his genetic programming, other times by choice(as this was always entertaining to Mikey).
For years, Mikey was late to arrive to events, employment, cups of coffee, whatever it might be.
Mikey had viewed his righteous father sing many curse words such as, "Mother Scratching Cunt" and "You little Hoooor" while leaving for work screaming about he would have to speed to make it on time.
Mikey saw this as the way. And so it was for Mikey.
Mikey looked upon the many speeding tickets received by his father by troopers in training(who knew The Dad of Mikey by Name) as a badge of the righteousness carried by his father and a level of purpose to which he should strive.(more on the demonic horde of the Lapeer City Police force in the book of Jefferson).
Hurricane Francis would finally reset this faulty wiring and change the alternator within the brain of Mikey.
Mikey,within his mathematic genius, had calculated the exact time it took to travel from his bed within his slave quarters both by foot and by 8 cylinder Chevrolet Caprice to his desk and beginning work. Mikey had done this to protect himself from the Two Time Nazis employed at his work to spot his lateness. Additonal calculations were made to allow for apporpriate mental retardation and slowness of Starbucks Baristas to serve the pre-requisite Sugar Free Vanilla Latte.
This time calculation was 41 minutes. and it was blissful in its flawlessness.
On a September afternoon, Mikey made a left turn onto Route 8 heading south.
Also turning left, just ahead of Mikey, an 18 wheel semi truck with empty trailer.
There are two lanes heading south on Route 8, Mikey in the right hand lane, the truck in the left hand lane.
The rain of Hurricane Francis was soft and steady, and made Mikey feel as if he were a tomato plant being watered by Hose in April,
The truck took this moment of serendipity to turn right, right in front of Mikey.
Mikey did attempt evasive action, the kind familiar to fans of Star Trek.
Mikey attempted to go into a ditch to avoid what appeared to be approaching doom as the truck continued to turn in front of Mikey.
One problem, no ditch. Just a raised hill, upon which Mikey and his caprice did glide.
The moistened brakes did slow the descent to destruction and did prolong the suspense of what was to happen. Much like a slow motion fight scene, Mikey did clearly see the turning trailer approaching him, and his Caprice was too tall to go under the trailer safely.
Impact.
Fortunately for Mikey, the truck did stop and did not flatten Mikey into a Potato Pancake from the Potato Head of Mikey.
Shocked to the core, Mikey did crawl out of the car to the amazement of stupified onlookers(three of which would give witness for Mikey to get his car and Cervical area repaired by the Insurance company of the truck).
Mikey was bleeding lightly from many areas, but did take his LG-7000 camera/video phone to document this offense against him and his caprice.
At the completion of the documentation, rising pain in tendons and bones did take away the uprightness of Mikey and he did fall.
While on the ground and during the placement of Mikey upon an Ambulance gurney, the true light that shines onto all of us did shine upon Mikey. Its gift was hope and wisdom, but not relief from the pain.
"If I had given myself more time to travel, more time to get my coffee, and more time to arrive at work, I would not be here. I would not have crossed the path of this truck and the truck would not have attempted to snuff me out. This excruciating pain in my Cervical and Lumbar area would not be afflicting me."
Mikey has never been late for ANY occassion since.
The blood pressure of Mikey has also been lessened.

1 Comments:

Anonymous EJW said...

Alas, if only the errant Trucker's insurance was Allstate! You could have wrecked havoc - the likes of which havoc has never been wrecked nor will ever be wrecked! Alas indeed.

1:37 PM  

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