The Piety of Mikey 1:1

In traveling to the many lands we all share, Mikey began to notice common threads of bondage that we all suffer.
The ease of access to fast food.
The infinite combinations of BOGO at your local grocery mart when all you've come for is a loaf of bread, bottle of milk and a stick of butter.
The tasty sugared items that beckon you with comfort and an extra energy jolt when all you wanted was 10 gallons of gas.
Mikey pondered. If Mikey was to truly raise millions that he would give away, he must separate himself from the system that keeps us all as working cogs.
In doing so, Mikey would observe why others bind themselves to the system and develop strategies to grow his own empire of benevolence.
And in growing the millions he would have the free time he needs to create the legendary tales of Half and Half Nancy and Mys the Clownshoe in perpetuity.
So it came to be that Mikey cast himself into the jungle of capitalism for 40 days with a barren desert of means, deliberately.
This would also purge the monkeys from the back of Mikey that ride him daily.
Such as the blessing of a Sugar Free Vanilla Latte from StarBucks.
This place was often referred to by Jules the Elder as, "StarFucks".
While relevant, the elder's negativity did not carry meaning for Mikey until he entered the jungle the first day. Almost immediately upon passing the source of Caffeine so blessed to Mikey, the melon of Mikey began to throb.
And, as the melon of Mikey is vast, the waves of pain generated by this event was the cause of the Aurora Borealis over northern Siberia and the destruction of the Mars Polar Lander.
Immediately, Mikey knew the purging of the system from his body and soul was a righteous endeavor.
Mikey stopped the mighty Mikey Caprice in the parking lot of the Starbucks oppressor and removed himself from his car. Mikey sat at a plastic patio table and quietly prayed for strength.
A man approached Mikey, looking strikingly like Bush 43, but moving with the speed and carrying the hairline of Bush 41. The man donned a black silk suit and smoke rose from all around his gait.
"Why trouble yourself with this? You feel the pain within that massive cranium of yours don't you? I will give you your own StarBucks if you get down on your knees and give honor to only me. I am the system and I will do this for you if you relieve yourself of this burden." saieth the man.
"Don't vex me Devil" saieth Mikey.
"Look at the smiling faces that go in and out with their own latte, you could be one of them and profit from their needs, just worship me." saieth the man.
"GET OUT!" Mikey screamed and made a roundhouse kick at the man.
The man disappeared in smoke.
So passed the first day of the Piety of Mikey.