The Book Of Mikey

This is the evolution of Mikey as created by the blessing of God. Witness shall be given to those gifts given by god during the course of this evolution. All praise to god.

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Location: the realm of dreams, Pennsylvania, United States

The time has come to live without fear.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

The Revelation of Mikey 2:2

Yet the blessing continued to roll through the mind of Mikey. For then did true wisdom fall upon his cranium and by the miracle of optimism, did not bounce to the ground, ricocheting off the massive skull structure that is the melon of Mikey.
In a blink, Mikey did stand upon the top of a 1979 Malibu Station Wagon. This made Mikey the tallest man in Michigan by default. This height allowed Mikey to see shadows of things to come.
Mikey saw single file lines of people, appearing to be all men as there were no breasts protruding from this lot.
Hundred, maybe thousands, all marching in single file, a massive squadron hundreds wide walked and approached Mikey..
The throngs seemed to be all individually drinking Iron City Light beer and wearing the numbers 3 and 8 with various corporate propaganda tattooed to their clothing.
Companies like, "The Home Depot", "Federal Express", "Kmart" were represented.
The odd army began a horrifying chant.
"We are assholes, We are assholes, We are assholes, We are assholes, We are assholes."
The numbers of these self proclaimed assholes seemed to be growing by the minute as hundreds more seemed to rise above the horizon like some asshole sunrise.
The members of this army all stared blankly ahead, saying nothing except their chant.
"we are assholes"
occasionally one would spit tobacco juice on the pavement and then recommence the chant.
Mikey was amazed, for he did not personally know an asshole. But were he to know one, Mikey could see that asshole dressing like these assholes.
Mikey felt the need to question this vision, could it hold larger answers, greater peace to other problems.
A particularly rotund asshole approached his Malibu station wagon, Mikey jumped off the top of the car like a lynx and stood in front of this asshole.
"May I ask you a question, sir?" saieth Mikey.
The asshole looked down at the number 8 on his jacket and back at Mikey.
"Shoot, but only a couple, I've got to get to a race."
Mikey pressed his advantage, the asshole was off balance.
"You all say you're assholes, let me ask you this first,"queried Mikey, "If you saw a sign at a grocery store that said, '8 ITEMS OR LESS', what would that mean to you?"
The head of the asshole was instantly enveloped in an orange glow that cast a shadow upon Mikey.
The asshole stood silent, then, "It would mean nothing."
A calm settled over Mikey, "One more good asshole, and I thank you for your time, may many blessing follow you and your asshole family."
"O.K." saieth the asshole.
Mikey raised his eyebrow in honor of Saint Belushi, "my final question is Multiple choice. choose the best answer. Your cell phone is ringing, in which of these places could you answer it gracefully.
A. The middle of a movie you've paid $10 to see at a local cineplex.
B. The middle of a sex act you are performing on your significant other.
C. The middle of a jail cell while a sex act is being performed on you.
D. The middle of your wedding ceremony while you hear the words, "and do you..."?

Again, instantly, the asshole was enveloped in an orange glow that doppler shift to red while the asshole prepared the answer.

"I could answer my cell phone gracefully in all of them places." saieth the asshole.

with that, the asshole took a long drag from his 44 ounce Iron City Malt Liquor Lite and cotinued the walk and restarted the terrifying chant.

Mikey was oddly at peace, for a large puzzle piece of the 5000 piece jigsaw puzzle of real life suddenly fell into place.

May these blessings of wisdom continue.


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