The Book Of Mikey

This is the evolution of Mikey as created by the blessing of God. Witness shall be given to those gifts given by god during the course of this evolution. All praise to god.

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Location: the realm of dreams, Pennsylvania, United States

The time has come to live without fear.

Sunday, April 17, 2005

The Booty Knockin of Mikey 1:1

In this unclean book, the tales of those whom Mikey has fornicated and those whom Mikey has been fornicated by shall be released.
This book is rated "PG-13" for this reason. The life and times of Mikey can avoid an "R" rating so that the word may pass to a larger audience.
In the time between toys and bills, the focus of Mikey fell to that of female form. Mikey was hard wired like the freeway between Fort Worth, Texas and Dallas, Texas.
Straight and no curves.
Mikey would pass through 17 years before his will was as willing as his mojo to find female companionship to facilitate his journey from apprentice to master of all things chick.
The amour of Mikey would rise and fall like the tides of the Atlantic. Rising with the hope of climbing to fulfillment and falling to uncover the jagged rejection of the coastline once again.
A warm June evening would push the will of Mikey as high as the already mighty Mojo of Mikey.
This convergence would end his neophyte status.
At the gathering of Tony Scott at the Deerfield Fire Hall, Mikey would endure and engage the company of many.
Such pearls of wisdom the fell before Mikey are listed but are not limited to:
"You might as well face it Mikey, you are addicted to love"-Spoke Ewing the Crazed when hearing Robert Palmer for the first time.
"Tony better pay for the chips in my Windshield, or he shall be smited"-Spoke James the Apostle.
"I'd like to show her my Sledgehammer"-Spoke Powers the Lame.
And the clearest pearl that would begin the loosening of the virginal cross that Mikey had carried for the many 17 years.
"Save me a dance Mikey, and make sure it is a slow one"-Spoke Kimberly the Chaste.
And though Mikey and Kimberly did booty knock, Kimberly remained always chaste in spirit and therefore always blessed in the eyes of Mikey.
Upon hearing this pearl from Kimberly, Mikey was moved to consult with Mitch the Elder whom had great success with chicks of varying stature, size and melons. This consul would prove most fortuitous.
"Mitch, what does it mean when a woman wants you to save a slow dance for her?" Spoke Mikey.
"Your virginity blinds you, " Spoke Mitch, "seek her company away from this gathering and all will be revealed."
"Away from this revelry? " Quizzed Mikey, "How do I do that"
"You think like the boobs you watch" Mitch illuminated, "Ask her to go for a walk."
Mikey reflected, It was brilliant in its innocence.
The true convergence began to reveal itself, Mikey heard the beginnings tones of Lou Reed's "Walk on the Wildside" when Mikey determined he would act on the advice of the elder.
Upon seeing the glorious Kimberly, Mikey spouted,"Kimberly, would you like to go for a walk?"
Sayeth Kimberly, "Sure, where?"
This question stopped Mikey cold, where indeed?
"Outside?" hoped Mikey.
And the two began there trek to the outdoors of the decorated Deerfield Fire Hall. Upon exiting the back door of the Deerfield Fire Hall and turning on the sidewalk just to the south, Kimberly turned to Mikey and placed a kiss on Mikey so rooted in the passion of this moment that corns on the feet of Mikey(gathered from many miles of walking to preach)lost there footing on the feet of Mikey and fell harmlessly from the foot to the sock of Mikey. The head of Mikey was Kodachrome and all things were VistaVision. Mikey saw colors all around while being kissed that seemed to jump from the trees, buildings and grass. This continued for at least 1 minute and 13 seconds. At 1:14, Kimberly broke this long strange trip with a word.
"You know I'm a tease" Kimberly said.
Mikey did not care about this and went to reconnecting with the colors of the immediate environment through the lips of Kimberly. Kimberly was still willing in this search and offered these same lips. They tasted of a fine mix of Sprite, Stuffed Peppers and Watermelons. It was thirst quenching.
At 5 minutes 33 of this brain freeing, sprite fest, Kimberly ended as quickly as Mikey was confused.
"We should go back in" Kimberly smiled, "But you should come with me and my friends to Riley the Wise's house. He has a pool and wants us to Skinny dip with him."
Mikey now was blessed with the comfort of the all powerful Lord and Savior, the years of chick penance endured by Mikey were to be rewarded because Mikey had never lost faith. It is most glorious.
But there would be no, "Skinny Dipping" for Mikey. This Mikey would not do. The only public nudity that Mikey would ever engage in would be on the stage of the Oscars when the time was right again for such a display.
Mikey theorized most admirably that if he arrived comfortably late to the house of Riley. That the overanxious other dudes at the house of Riley would have coerced the girls to "Skinny Dip" early and that since it was a brisk night in June, they would end the public nudity perpetration early.
This postulate proved to be a theorem as upon the arrival of Mikey to the House of Riley, Kimberly and her two girlfriends had already stripped, swam and were shivering back in the house of Riley.
Mikey did not anticipate the arrival of Lindsey the Smooth.
Mikey knew Lindsey by his track record. It was alleged and to a slightly smaller number confirmed by Mikey that 114 chicks had been successfully engaged by Lindsey the Smooth in some form of booty knockin. Kimberly was not one of this lot, but was understandably curious.
In this curiosity, Kimberly had changed her focus from the virginal Mikey, to the smoothness of Lindsey.
Mikey did some quick math.
There were three women present. All of whom had recently been naked.
There were four men present, including Mikey. Someone was going to lose.
Then a bombshell, One girfriend of Kimberly's, Christine announced:"Lets go to the park and have an orgy"
Mikey did not know what this meant specifically, and as it was 12 years till the coming of the rock and roll group that would reach the charts with the remaking of New Order's, "Blue Monday", Mikey could only assume that the term related to booty knockin in some sense and so went to work.
Mikey went to Lindsey, and gave a quality that was heretofore unknown to Mikey before that moment, humility.
"Lindsey, can I talk to you?" Pleaded Mikey.
"Sure man, what's up?"
"You know, as well as I, that you are considered a king among men when it comes to the ladies, do you not?" Stated Mikey.
Lindsey smirked the smirk of a man who could sell hamburgers to greenpeace.
"Sure, its one of my gifts" sayeth Lindsey.
"I have to ask the largest favor I could ask of any man, and if you grant it, I would be in your debt. You see Lindsey, I have been a virgin all my life, and I believe Kimberly(whom you have been engaging in your smoothness) wishes to relieve me of this burden provided there is not mightier and more dashing a gent available for her attentions. I wish for her to take this burden from me." Mikey paused. "This is where the favor arrives. As I am schooled in your chick brilliance like all other men of our age and school district, Could you find it in your heart to disappear for an hour a so whilst I journey to the park and get my jimmy waxed?"
(The terms, "Jimmy" and "Waxed" were picked up by Mikey as an ardent fan of the great hip hop group, Boogie Down Productions.)
"Sure, no problem, I need a little bit more time to recover from earlier in the night anyway" Lindsey stated.
"Were you? Did? Kim? Did?", Mikey feared.
"No, the other two." smirking that greenpeace grin again.
The journey to the park was on, now that the mathematics were in line and there was a woman for each man on this journey.
Kimberly inquired on the four block journey, "what happened to Lindsey?"
"I guess he needed a nap" sayeth Mikey.
Upon finding a clearing after crossing a bridge over the mighty Flint River, the booty knocking did commence.
There was little conversation immediately prior to the event, Mikey did not presently find it odd that Riley and Joe the previously unknown were engaging in the same activity within four feet on each side of where Mikey was to lose his burden.
SO it began, Mikey thought that this deed was much like push-ups. Mikey contemplated how this activity seemed relatively easy for Kimberly as she didn't really do much but lie there in quiet thought.
But then.
Kimberly began to make sounds; odd, enjoyable sounds. These sounds were pleasing to the ear of Mikey. Perhaps The knowledge of Mikey of this activity carried with him from past lives and is what gave Kimberly what heard to be an enjoyable experience.
The Pushups continued for Mikey, these were not tribulation for Mikey as he was transfixed and amazed by the facial contortions made by Kimberly.
In there time, each of the other two couples would leave, their departures being announced by Riley and then Joe, both saying, "oops".
Mikey continued his pushups with Kimberly underneath. If this is sex, Mikey thought, this is not a big deal at all. I could do this all day, Mikey happily realized.
Kimberly suddenly became much louder in her exclamations and shuddered beneath Mikey.
"Should I give you a moment?" asked Mikey.
"Yes, wow" Sayeth Kimberly.
Wow is good, thought Mikey, Mikey grabbed his clothes, redonned them and turned to depart.
"look at the moon", grinned Kim, "Isn't that romantic"
"I hate to say this, Kim"as Mikey was always honest, "but you need to put your glasses back on because that is a street light on the top of the hill. "
There was an odd moment of silence.
"But the streetlight is romantic, " Mikey quickly added."Kimberly, I want to thank you because that was my first time and I really enjoyed this with you. I will never forget you."
"that's nice Mikey"Kimberly smiled,"but we won't be doing it again. see you soon."
It would be two years before Mikey would once again have the will to equal his mojo and Kim's prophecy would be true. She would later marry Lindsey the Smooth.
But it would be Mikey that got there first.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I could not help but comment on the grotesqueness of this post. Whom shall we blame? Mikey? The girl the Skippy legs? Or society at large? All three undoubtedly contributed to the lose of Mike’s virginity, and to degradation of his personhood. Indeed, social morays being what they are young men do not feel like men until they have bagged them a whence. In saner times a boy could prove his manhood by going out into the forest with a spear to forage for food, or they could have been hung by hooks. Now we are left to adulterate our bodies to prove our manhood. Is this were the sexual revolution has brought us? My Mikey be forgiven of this foul, damnable act! Mikey the brattling fool is dead, long live Mikey the wise.

6:01 PM  

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