The Book Of Mikey

This is the evolution of Mikey as created by the blessing of God. Witness shall be given to those gifts given by god during the course of this evolution. All praise to god.

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Location: the realm of dreams, Pennsylvania, United States

The time has come to live without fear.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

The Chicks of Mikey 1:2

It is written by some that the greatest of all enemies is the one whose name shall not be written here. This is false in theory and practice, for in this unfortunate bit of business, Mikey was his own enemy.
The greatest in magnitude of all of the enemies of Mikey,(and there are few enemies as Mikey walks the way of the Dhamma and is all about peace and love), is Cindy.
Cindy is hot, regardless that it is over 20 years since this epic struggle. It is also regardless that she may be married and weigh a metric ton. She is hot, on this you can rely.
The reason for this hotness is Cindy is evil, and evil will always be hot. Hot like that ex girlfriend(or boyfriend) who was cheating on you with several people of varying stature all the while looking into your eyes and swearing allegiance, repeatedly. So it is with Cindy.
If that ex called, and wanted a quickie, you be theirs lock and key, and you wouldn't think twice. So it is with Cindy.
Cindy was not an ex of Mikey's, but she was the best friend of the first girl whom Mikey's unending skill of romance first found its dull focus.
It is here we begin the retelling.
In the time before the fall, there was only innocence. There was the naievte that perhaps Mikey was bigger than the game.
Everybody liked Mikey. Mikey liked himself.
And then, Cindy came.
She came to give fradulent testimony of the bonafideness of Mikey to her alleged cheerocracy pal Stephanie. Mikey had been inspired from the beauty of Stephanie to attempt to win her favor in the old school medieval way. These ways that are now outlawed by most stalking statutes.
Mikey sacrificed to win the favor of Stephanie, he drove in a driving windstorm on his Schwinn Odyssey(mikey was not of driving age) to the local burg and ordered a dozen carnations for delivery on the next school day. Mikey braved the same storm for the return trip and a warm cup of ovaltine. This delivery would be fortuitous as both Mikey and Stephanie shared the same biology class. Sadly, Cindy was present here as well.
The cloud of deceipt began to build when the flowers arrived and Cindy found they were not for her.
The pinnacle of the romantic overture occurred on the exit from this convergent Biology class where Stephanie and Mikey shared a conversation on the creative direction of Duran Duran and was "Girls on Film" really the beginning of the end. The two made an agreement to sit together at Lunch the next day. Fortune smiled on Mikey.
All things turned black after this...and the next days' Pizza and fries went consumed only by Mikey.
Only Shards of the actual heresies exist to this day, embellishments cloud their truth. They are mentioned in passing by the Mikey Knights Templar who review the truth while protecting the original smashed books of mikey, some are revealed in the Gospel of James and the accompanying Gospel of Christian. Explanations of the acts of Mikey can be found in the gospel of Jules.
What can be repeated is this. Mikey ceased to exist in reality in the eyes of the recepient of those carnations after that day.
Mikey would not lie down peacefully, Mikey would find the beginnings of humility in this as he would overdo amour during spirit week to seek stephanie's favor, don the vestements of the school mascot and moonwalk with an eagles head strapped to himself to win her favor at basketball games. Mikey would ace the blowhole of a Tuba from 225 yards while the Tuba was being played with a golf ball for her attention. Mikey would even visit the home of Stephanie to sing classic Barry Manilow to garner even the smallest smidgen of blessing from Stephanie. It was not fruitful. Stephanie's younger brother believed himself to be without sin and did cast many small stones at Mikey after this singing.
Whisperings of the heresy of Cindy finally passed to Mikey.
The favorite apostle, James, would reveal a portion of this heresy.
"Dude, she doesn't think your cool because her friend Cindy has told her you are not cool." Mikey would relent his affections, and bide his time.
Rage is best consumed when it is cooled.
Unlike the advisement of Romans 12, vengeance would be his for his name is Mikey.
The occasion for a return of balance between Mikey and evil(Cindy) would arrive less than 9 months later when both Cindy and Mikey shared a Spanish class. Mikey would be known as Gilberto for this reason.
Spirit week arrived and the Friday of this week is traditionally "School Colors" day. Mikey smiled and saw a non-violent way to end his poisonous detest of Cindy and return to peace.
Cindy was a cheerleader, Mikey would become Cindy for this day only and walk in the shoes of the enemy of Mikey. Mikey would see the world as the evil of Cindy would see it.
Mikey would us his seam and sewing skills to create an exact replica of the cheerleading costume of Cindy. Mikey would borrow the bustier of his mommy to pack his newly found bosom with the finest Macintosh apples. Mikey arrived at school that day with a strut unlike any step he had ever walked.
In that spanish class, balance was reached. Mikey could hear sniffles from the direction of his enemy and knew the finishing blow was at hand.
Spoke Mikey, "Cindy?"
"Yes, what is it you want?" Cindy replied with the crackle of bile.
Spoke Mikey,"I know why you don't pack a sack lunch..."
"What, why?, what are you talking about?" Cindy snapped in confusion.
Mikey removed an apple from his bustier and took a bite of it, "Because you have all this room in here."
Cindy broke into sobs of misery and ran from the room. The laughter of the peers of Mikey followed her way. The score was settled. Peace reigned again in the soul of Mikey.

As a postscript, Cindy chose to attend the same college as Mikey and on one September day, Mikey found Cindy walking on the side of the road. She appeared directionless to Mikey.
Mikey stopped his chariot and inquired, "Do you need assistance to your destination?". The university was a short mile or two from where they spoke.
Cindy did not recognize him, Mikey has flourished in spirit and girth and needed to lose weight.
She accepted this offer and upon reaching her destination departed forever from the wonder of Mikey with the following words.
"Go ye in peace, ye heretic of days gone by, and know the blessings of Mikey." Mikey smiled and drove away for a rendez-vous with a Big Mac.


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