The Book Of Mikey

This is the evolution of Mikey as created by the blessing of God. Witness shall be given to those gifts given by god during the course of this evolution. All praise to god.

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Location: the realm of dreams, Pennsylvania, United States

The time has come to live without fear.

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

The Numbers of Mikey 1:3

Having learned of the fated roots and subsequent tree that is the lifespring of Mikey, it is equally relevant to be known of those who would employ Mikey.
How Mikey came to be within their subservient machinery or created his own machinery of the breadth of the melon of Mikey.
In the beginning, there was Wah Wong Chinese Food. of no particular relevance other than they were the first to respond to the genius of Mikey. They would not be the last.
Wah Wong Chinese Food was important in the expansion of the innards of experience for Mikey as this position edified him on the wonderwall that is Chinese Kung Fu Bottle explosion tricks and that when a supervisor slaps you on the buttocks, it is not always a reminder to work faster.
Mikey would take a 9 month respite to continue his studies at the local lycee. He would have preferred playing harmonica on the street corner for change, but his mother beat him with a rubber hose to prevent this.

Then came Elias brothers, where Mikey learned of the spiritual fullfilment of succesful and talented preparation of grilled simple and complex carbohydrates as well as mastering the ratio of grease to meat in broiling and frying preparation.
Sadly, it was soon to all move forward as Mikey would not work for this particular soul sucking jerk. He planned to take it all back cause he wasn't saying jack.
During the cooking curriculum, Mikey became aware of his gift of gab. Having grasped live theatre to some degree, he harangued and stalked the local radio station owner until, out of fear, the man gave mikey a weekend midnight shift.
This shift would teach Mikey what it means to be stalked, but later scripture will speak of this. Mikey would continue this position during a majority of the following indebted servitude:
Employment at Little Caesars Pizza where Mikey found his second grade crush, who was his manager.
The early years of adoration proved of no value as when it came time to lop off a head of an employee to cut costs, Mikey was picked to go. This would be the only experience of the suffering of a layoff.
Mikey left, infuriated, passionately kissed his second grade crush for the final time, spoke the blessed words, "I know it was you, you broke my heart when I was eight" and went down the street and acquired immediate employment with........
Pizza Hut. sadly, where Mikey once again found that a supervisor patting him on the kiester is not always a reminder to speed up the dough preparation.
Soon, while spinning crispy crust, Mikey found it necessary to take a third job, with a local newspaper, who hired Mikey to act as a producer for its local television talk show.
Mikey was able to finagle a guest hosting position where he lambasted the standing mayor during an election regarding overspending on office furniture and general political tomfoolery.
To this day, Mikey is not allowed back in Pontiac, Michigan and to quote the mayor directly, "You done lost your Pontiac privileges"
Inspired by the looniness of a crazed, but groovy, methodist that Mikey knew, Mikey expanded his radio experience in Lexington, KY; two months short of a college degree.
While visiting his mother the following christmas, she beat him relentlessly with a rubber hose while telling him to finish his college education.
Mikey did this and retook a job with both the nearby radio station at home and another Pizza Hut where he was not smacked on the buttocks.
Mikey is 1/123rd Jamaican, if you were curious.
Like a cyclone, the influence of regular booty in the Life of Mikey led to a steady degradation of positions that will be listed here in no particular order. This is the fall of Mikey, the inevitable humbling all men must face.
Cornbread engineer(2 weeks)
Pizza Hut(new jersey)quit on a lunch hour
Radio Station Delaware-Promoted to program manager then fired in a marketing debacle involving two fighting squirrels. ratings did arrive due to this promotion but the injuries to the squirrels were to great as was the corporate negligence.
Escort Service Driver
office supply marketing intern
accountant lackey
commercial model(oh its true, and I was paid)
Ad agency shill(3 months)
Rip off perfume street salesman
Paid actor(more than twice)
Film extra
Cookbook salesman
Cable tv sales manager
Bank Customer Service
Funeral plot consultant
Frozen Food Saleperson
Fraudelent Sweepstakes Sales coordinator
Porn star radio show co producer
Sales Trainer
Mastercard/visa merchant sales
Asian Massuese trainer
Theatre Producer
Mountain Dew Bootlegger(from Iowa to Illinois)
and finally, the great humbling of Mikey, which would also provide him his greatest gift, his wife.
The establishment of his own business. (dealt in great detail in THE OPPRESSION OF MIKEY scripture)

The sun would rise again for Mikey, and he would once again sense he had gifts to offer and time should not be so readily wasted.
Fascinated by insurance and its apparent mafia influences, and tired of the outright poverty of acting and radio, Mikey embarked on an insurance adventure.
Great companies would seek the wisdom and talents of mikey, once he introduced himself repeatedly and annoyingly.
Mikey would work for them.
And might still be working for one in particular, had not the redneck CEO of this company with his arrogant philosophy and pedantic drawl grown a few inches and not offended the companies biggest client. Instead of spitting his skoal spit of an opinion back at their offer.
And we arrive at the current and best position ever, The home of Positive Mental attitude, from which, Mikey will begin his true reign and empire.
So it has passed, So shall this numerological retelling pass to the generation. So shall those that seek its lesson, avoid the foibles listed.


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