The Revelation of Mikey 1:4

Good Lord, I have a large head.
My skull is immense, it is a landmark on a busy street.
At the beach, Kids try to toss me over volleyball nets. Fortunatley, my center of gravity and accompanying density prevent all but the sturdiest from accomplishing this feat.
My head was responsible for the path change in Comet Halle Boppe that brought it with its mighty trailing ufo within proximity of earth. My head is also responsible for the breakup of Shoemaker Levy in 1994 and the accompanying holes in the atmosphere of Jupiter that resulted.
Its a big melon. Mighty Melon.
If I sit in the outfield of a baseball game, I can't sit near the foul poles because my skull will alter the trajectory of balls and make foul balls fair, and fair balls foul.
My gargantuan cranium did, however, assist University of Michigan Quarterback Jim Harbaugh in appearing to be a better quaterback than he actually was, depending on how my crushing skull leaned at glorious Michigan Stadium.
Sadly, my help was of no use against the forsaken Irish of Notre Dame.
Oh its true.
I have been ignoring the signs until now, the many bits of sage observation that have been offered to me over the years.
"Is not a Cadillac, bigger than a Passat?" One buddhist monk once told me. "And does the cadillac not have a larger trunk space and better V8 engine."
At the time, I threw him a quarter, but these words haunt me now with their truth.
The size of my head would explain why I did not walk upright until 4 years old. Recently released medical records show that an alarming 85% of my overall mass prior to 4 years old was in my skull.
It also explains why I am a great lover. I have mastered all the thousands of details to a womans happiness..
Oh yeah. The blessing revealed itself.