The Lamentations of Mikey 1:2

A letter from Mikey to Jules The Younger upon the passing of his patience.

Surely you have seen me strive to exhibit the patience of Kings and the wisdom of Clerics with all peoples of all shades. I have often written to you of my struggles to communicate with the green hued people of the Ire-Land and the insatiable bitter need they have to plant potatoes where potatoes do not grow.
You have witnessed me attempt to teach our tongue to the stubborn germanic tribes whose only communication seems to be the words, "Nein", "I could die at any time", and "Vas?"
I have often been guilty of the sin of pride when relating my ability to absorb the darkness of true stupidity within human beings and reflect back to them the light of the peace of common sense.
This ended while visiting a local merchant of Cell phones.
Directly in front of my observant self was a man of dark hue who brought with him to battle an elder from his family( of a lighter chocolate hue )in an attempt to get a replacement for the phone he received in the mail that he now decides he, "Doesn't Like anymore".
The pilgrim would plead, "Why can't you give me a new phone?"
The Customer Service rep, of hershey's dark chocolate hue whose name badge read, "Charon the Boatman" stated, "Because you need to send it back where you got it to get a new phone."
This exchange would repeat itself with varying volumes, the pilgrim and his mother wildly shaking their skulls, Interjections for excitement and emotion, alien phrases like, "no, you did not" or "Oh NO he did not"(note: grammar has been clarified for layperson understanding)
Finally, The boatman gave absolution...." I could help you, but I want you to call the people who sent it to you, do that and I will entertain your problem." The boatman smiled.
The pilgrim and his mother were shaken to the bones of their metatarsals. Rage shot out their mouths like the fire that shoots from the bill of Daffy Duck when he mistakenly drinks gallons of Tobasco.
The interjections that followed from the pilgrim and his mother were for excitement and emotion but were also best suited for an NC17 audience.
The pilgrim spoke, "I will not leave until you help me. I don't care if I die right here, next to you nations largest network sign. Can you hear me now?"
The boatman spoke, "Stop it, Just stop it. Whatever"
Sound advice he thought, sadly, that thought, like the tumor in his colon, was far up his keister never to see the light of day.
Wanting Just a Car charger, good sirrah Jules, My time to speak had arrived before more lifeforce was stolen by the stalemate. A throng of ten had gathered behind me in line while the pilgrim bargained for his speech. In my pocket, I noticed substantial weight in nickels, pennies and dimes, I took it out and held it in my hand.
"Pardon Boatman" I passed, "if you do not help this humble man, I will throw pennies at you intermittently until you run screaming. and the pilgrim will remain here unassited. Your problem will have doubled. I will then encourage my fellow line mates throw even more change at your moneychanging business until you choke on your own welts or help the nubian knave."
"Its your move".
The boatman smiled, waved to the pilgrim and the problem was rectified. I bought my car charger and rebuffed all efforts to also purchase a leather case.
My shame is that I had always thought Common Sense would cost more than spare change.